Volume five from the Short White Jewish guy
By Marc Brafman (and if you want, you can email Brafman at mbrafman@sportingnews.com)
The first four Random Notes are from the big Sporting News Radio wedding last weekend as Michael Calderon took the plunge...
Wedding Highlight #1: Paul lifts up the cup of nuts on our table and spills them all over the place. When asked why he did it, he said he thought that the glass was "connected" to the plate that the nuts were on. Sometimes it's amazing Paul can dress himself.
Wedding Highlight #2: When the band started a new song, T.J. would put his hand to his ear like they did in the "We are the World" video, and start singing in a horrible, off-key voice. For some reason the entire table would laugh every time.
Best Story from Wedding: By far, the best story told during the wedding was Jen and Ryan describing how Engineer Dean had made a house call to fix Jen's computer. Not to be outdone, word is that Patrick recently made a house call to Paul's new house to help Paul "lay some pipe."
One More Thought from Calderon's Wedding: Nothing against Scottish people, but man, bag pipes are horrible to listen to for extended periods of time.
I know I work in a window-less room and never see the sun, but next time there is a popsicle social out back can you give me a call? (Thanks... ext. 3068)
Now it's time for Brafman's Soapbox Rant of the Day... As I proved last week on MITM, I can't spell to save my life. That being said, I can't stand watching the kids in the annual National Spelling Bee. The boys are all going through puberty and either have a bad mustache or sound like Peter Brady from the "It's Time to Change" song. The girls all have long hair and are kind of chubby. In fact, one of the girls was a dead-ringer for a young Gregg Allman from the Allman Brothers Band. Not a good-looking group. There is no way, and I mean NO WAY, that any of those kids have ever kissed another girl/boy. When Anurag Kashyap was interviewed after winning, instead of talking about staying in school, getting As and other bulls**t, I was hoping he would say something like... "Now that I have reached the top of the dork food-chain, I would like to dedicate my life to touching a girl's breast by the time I can vote."
I think last Wednesday's first game was the best game we have played all year. Timely hitting, great fielding (led by J-Jock) and shut-down pitching. Why can't we do this two games in a row? I, along with the rest of you, can't figure it out.
I think we should all start wearing sunglasses during our games. It apparently worked for Matt, who went 6-for-6 over both of last week's games. Keep it up baby!
In the second game, Bobby Z scored a run after nearly being caught in a pickle between third and home. He scored because the third baseman hit him in the back of the head with his throw home. After the game, I told Bobby he was lucky the throw didn't hit him in the face. Bobby agreed and said that would have certainly ruined his modeling career. Korney immediately disagreed and said "your modeling career was ruined when you were born." Bam! That hurts.
If you haven't asked seen it yet... track down Tony and ask him to show you the new dance move that's sweeping the nation. He calls it the "Merkin."
Although she still needs to eat a few cheeseburgers, I'm glad my girl Lindsay is OK after getting hit by a member of the media in a car crash.
THAAAAAAAAAAT IS A STRIKE!!!
The look of horror on Jen's (Kerry's fiancée and Legends superfan) face every time a ball is scorched up the middle is priceless.
I think one of the reasons I like to talk to the other team before the game is because it drives Stelton crazy. They also have better recipes.
PLAAAAAAAAAATE!
Just when you think Chet can't do anything else to make you laugh, he busts into Randy's office and starts doing some sort of strip tease for Jen and Randy.
The greatest channel in the history of television is VH1 Classic. Any channel that plays the Grateful Dead, Sir Mix A-Lot, Nine Inch Nails and Carly Simon in the same hour is fine by me.
How is it possible that Roy Oswalt is 14-0 vs. the Reds?
The new NFL Sunday Ticket commercial with Jeff from Curb your Enthusiasm, Dick Butkus, Barry Sanders and Peyton Manning singing the song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is, by far, the best commercial this side of Paris Hilton.
How is it that Bobby Z always ends up in the most bizarre plays? Last week, it was the oh-so common 6-2-5 double play.
Since he is standing right behind me as I type these notes and hewants to be included, maybe we shouldn't put Kevin at second base when he can barely move with back pain. Then again, even though he couldn't move, I bet he is still faster than Bobby Z.
What are the odds that Paris Hilton and soon-to-be husband Paris name there kid Paris? This is something Vegas should be taking bets on.
What ever happened to Grant Paulson?
That's it for now. Se ya next week... Maybe some company dinner Random Notes?
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